Helpless

When I came home from the hospital things got harder instead of easier. I still couldn’t do anything for myself. The only limb I could use was my left arm, and I’m right handed.

My mom did everything for me. She was a rockstar and so was the rest of my family for letting me monopolize most of her attention.

Dad was great too. He kept things running. Also, it was boring just laying around all day, and there are only so many movies you can watch. So my dad would sit and read to me.

And I can’t forget our wonderful church family! A couple of guys came and built a ramp to our front door so I could get in the house with my wheelchair.

I was overwhelmed with love and support, but at the same time I felt completely frustrated and helpless.

One night I was having trouble sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake my mom, so I reached for my Bible at my bedside table and turned on my lamp.

I did one of those flop-the-Bible-open-randomly-and-see-where-God-leads things. He led me to Psalm 18 which was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

I was in tears by the time I was finished reading it–overwhelmed with how God had protected me and would continue to provide for my needs.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.

God had rescued me. He reached down from on high and kept me protected me that night April 10.

But the verse that really got me–the promise that I claimed in my heart that night was found in verse 33.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.

It was never a question of whether or not I’d be able to walk again. I always knew I would walk again, but reading that verse when I couldn’t walk… I can’t put it into words.

I was completely helpless, and in my brokenness, God was more real to me than he had been at any other point in my life.

I encourage you to go read the whole psalm–especially if you’re hurting or need to be reminded that God is a great God who is never far from those who hope in him.

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